Ah, That Java Jive...

And no, I am not referring to that insidious little program delivered by the Sun corporation that seems to blast several other applications that make use of java every time they release an update.

No, I’m talking about that wonderful consumable that has ancient origins from the area of Ethiopia… That wonderful drink that at one time the Catholic church called “…a hellish brew…” The one and only Coffee!

There are not many things that I really find myself craving, but coffee is an exception. Coffee is what really most satisfies me when I need to wake up, when I need to think, when I need to relax, when I need something to make me feel normal. Without coffee, what’s the point…?

A few years ago, my doctor asked me during one of my visits if I drank coffee. I assured him I was a major coffee lover. He then proceeded to ask me how many cups I usually drank per day. I looked him straight in the eye and said, “…Doc…I have no idea. I measure my intake based on pots. Do you know how many cups are in a pot???” Needless to say he just shook his head, jotted down a few notes in my chart, and handed me a prescription for elevated blood pressure! [NOTE: Job stress related elevations… I know the coffee has NOTHING to do with it!]

I have found, though, that coffee is not always an appropriate beverage to imbibe. For example, based upon personal experience, I do NOT drink coffee before leaving the house on my daily commute to work. There is something about heavy metro traffic, a bunch of idiots on the road, and me being hypersensitive because of all the coffee coursing through my veins that does not make for a good combination!!! Take this morning… I’m driving along about 70 mph with the rest of the traffic and all of the sudden everything comes to a 45 mph grinding slow down. The reason? Six city highway dump trucks… Three of them in the far right lane… Three of them in the middle lane… All of them driving at 45 mph… Left lane open with traffic doing 70 mph… Two lanes trying to merge to the left to get around the trucks… Not a good thing. Now imagine if I had been drinking coffee… My first inclination would have been to try and shove one of these 6 ton vehicles off the road using my economy car. The whole mass, momentum ratio thing was not in my favor. And in my more sedate state of mind I realized this… But if I had been on COFFEE…!!!! Rubbing is racing, right??!!??

Well, anyway, my cup is empty and I need to go infuse myself with more coffee. Have a cup on me while you’re at it!!!