Dragons of Autumn Twilight

It was 1984. It was an interesting year for me to say the least and one that had profound impact on the course of my life.

But in this entry, I will only focus on one small event from that period 22 years ago; the beginning of something that has left an indelible mark on the literary world and continues to have relevance.

The first book in the now infamous DragonLance series, Dragons of Autumn Twilight, was released in April of that year. Already an avid player in the worlds of AD&D, it was only fitting that I procure this tome as it was a new world with new adventures set within the growing AD&D universe. The authors, Margaret Weis & Tracy Hickman, did not disappoint.

Why the sudden mention of this, you might inquire? The answer is simple… I was just reading my daily dose of SCI FI Wire News and noticed an article dealing with the emenint release of an animated motion picture in the fall of 2007. True, that a movie was in the works is not “new” news, but I now consider it a given since SCI FI has made mention of the event.

I personally hope for an IMAX release… It would be well worth shilling out the cash for such an experience.
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'Hope is the denial of reality. It is the carrot dangled before the draft horse to keep him plodding along in a vain attempt to reach it.'

'Are you saying we should just give up?' Tanis asked, irritably tossing the bark away.

'I'm saying we should remove the carrot and walk forward with our eyes open,' Raistlin answered.

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Should you like to read more about this movie, you may visit the Official DragonLance Movie Site.

But What To Say...

I have never had cause to correspond with an incarcerated individual. In retrospect, I am thinking this is a good thing as it would seem, prima facie, that during the course of my life I have made wise decisions in those I call friend. This is not, however, to say that I have not the occasional lapse in good judgment or at the very least, my perceptions and intuitions have failed me, but all in all, the odds have favored me.

Twice so far, someone I called friend has committed an act that has greatly offended my sensibilities.

The first time this happened, the betrayal was against me personally, and my only thought was to remove the person from the planet. And to be totally honest, I still feel the same way every time I pause to think about the incident. The motto of the Montresors in Poe’s The Cask of Amontillado – Nemo me impune lacessit (No one provokes me with impunity) – has always been a personal favorite of mine. But I digress… Needless to say, the “friendship” was, is, and forever shall be dead to me.

The second time this happened, the betrayal was against me, but not personally. It was against my perceptions of someone I have known for more than a quarter of a century and it was the actions against others – of the type most reviled in our society - that I could not condone. And at present, their lack of control and judgment is being punished in the form of a multi-year incarceration.

Letters have been sent by this person to those of us who are known friends. To date, I know of no letters that have been drafted from us and returned in kind. The most recent letter received today indicates a high level of despair, longing, and need from our friend for some means of moral support. And yet… What do I say?

How is life behind bars suiting you? Made friends with any of the other offenders there yet? Anyone made you their “personal” friend yet? What is the shower scene like? How is the food? Heard from anyone else in the family, or have they pretty much disavowed you? What the HELL is wrong with you?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Well… We are friends… Nothing is going to change that simple fact. There is no requirement of friendship that stipulates one must like, understand, or condone any action taken by the other. So, I have been remiss and I need to make amends.

But what to say…

Sui Caedere

"...But everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've stretched myself beyond my means..." -- Staind

No, these lyrics in It's Been Awhile by Staind aren't about suicide... But they could, I think, make up a core feeling in a song about suicide. I mean, it's not like there aren't enough songs out there on the subject, but still...

Anyone ever thought about suicide? No, I don't mean, have you thought about offing yourself. Have you just ever simply stopped to think about suicide, what it is, and why it has a presence that transcends all cultures, religions, and philosophies?

If for nothing else, it is an interesting concept in that in all of the species known to the world, suicide is only practiced by humans. No other creature known will kill itself simply for the sake of having the desire to cease to exist. Let’s try that again… No other form of animal or insect known by man will act to kill itself simply for the sake of ending its existence. Why?

Isn’t man supposed to be at the very top of the food chain? Are we not the most intellectual species know to the planet? We use tools, we have created vast civilizations, we can adapt to live in any region on the planet, we can split the atom, and we’ve walked on the moon…. And yet… We are the only living things that will also terminate our own existence in the universe.

Some cultures reject suicide for legal reasons, or religious reasons, or for whatever reason. Some cultures consider it to be honorable. Some consider it acceptable when ‘X’ is the reason, but not because of ‘Y’ or ‘Z.’ Some could care less…

What do we think of people who commit suicide? That they are: selfish, stupid, enlightened, depressed, unbalance, evil, damned, saved, better off, worse off, brave, cowards, vindictive, hopeless….what else?

How do we feel about the person who wants to commit suicide to get back at his ex-wife for having to pay so much money in support?

How do we feel about the 95 year old in the nursing home in pain most of the waking hours, who can no longer see well enough to read or watch TV, or hear to listen to radio or music, and is confined to a wheelchair, but is to weak to move themselves around and wants to commit suicide?

How do we feel about the person who simply has had enough of life and living in this world and is tired of plodding through life day after day after day after...

Tired… Tired of thinking… Tired of feeling… Tired of the endless struggle… Tired of… Consequences...

Balo!!! Eat My Freaking Shorts!!!!

How time truly slips away… I actually enjoy taking part in the phenomena of the blogging. It is a good way to get some of my thoughts out of my head. It is a good way to “hear” the thoughts of people who matter to me. It is a good way to find out what other people have on their mind… Which usually ends up having the result of putting more thoughts in my head; filling up the space I emptied in the first place. No wonder I can’t keep my head clear these days.

I’ve noticed for a long time now, however, that I haven’t been paying attention to the World of Blog. It’s not because I’m not interested… It’s not because I have no desire to participate… I just simply haven’t had the energy. That’s actually strange for me as I’ve always maintained a very active on-line presence going way back before the time of the Internet. (Anyone remember FIDO Net?)

No… It’s been a matter of energy. And it has been impacting far more than my blogging. It’s been noticeable all over the place. And there’s been this damn dizziness… And other things… So… I figured it was about time to try and find out what the problem might be which required a little trip to the doctor.

[/INTERLUDE] I’m sitting here watching an old Billy Idol video, “To Be A Lover,” and I can’t help but notice… Just how totally cool 80’s music videos really were. I mean, I remember seeing this when it came out in the mid-80’s on MTV. When MTV still ran music videos. [/INTERLUDE OFF]

So Dr. Howse (no affiliation with, or resemblance to, Dr. House) sends me off to the vampires so they can run a few blood tests. General stuff… And those came back in and now it’s off for more targeted tests. I’m like, OK, so what are you targeting? (Talking to the nurse at the time…) And she’s being a little vague on the specifics… Having that whole, “Well… Let’s conduct the tests and see what the results are before we draw conclusions…” attitude and tone in her voice, which was starting to annoy me, but hell, right now, almost anything and everything is annoying me… And I had an epiphany… And I said, “You think I’m diabetic…” Pause in conversation… Response, “Well, yes, that what it looks like but we don’t want to alarm you…”

Now, I was at a client site working on some communications issues and had walked outside to take this call… It’s hot… It’s humid… I had just gotten off the phone about three minutes before the docs office called after getting into a screaming match with an idiot working for Ameritech, uh, SBC, uh, AT&T…yeah, AT&T now, because they hadn’t properly punched down a new T1 at their Central Office…a line that is already FIVE FREAKING WEEKS OVER DUE…and we had been PROMISED that it would be ready and operational before 10:00 a.m. this morning…and now here I am hearing that I most likely have a disease that is the number six killer in the U.S. All I could say was simply… “Well…. FUCK!”

Of course, I apologized, but she told me that it was quite alright and how a good number of patients say something very similar when hearing something like this, and that, in fact, she’d most likely utter about the same.

[/INTERLUDE II] Still watching videos… B.O.C.’s Burning For You. Love It!!! They did this song during the last concert I saw. [/INTERLUDE II OFF]

Well… The good thing is I can look forward to feeling better…eventually. Which would be good, since it’s been way, way, way, dare I say once again, way…to long since I took the time to bore anyone with my little corner of the multi-verse. I have a few other things I could go into… But that’s another entry for another day.